The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
