i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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