ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
