dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
