She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
