His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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