u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
