A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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