she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
