so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
