he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
