help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
When are your genitals available?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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