Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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