His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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