I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
