I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
