K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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