If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The best revenge is premature balding
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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