I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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