have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
