ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
