There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
