just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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