His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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