so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
