Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
