i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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