This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
