Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
