Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
