We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
