I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
