Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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