Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
