Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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