i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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