And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Church boner. Awkwardddd
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
