we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
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I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
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So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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