I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
They took my balls.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
