And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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