I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
