please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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