I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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