You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
