i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
