Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
