Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
