shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
