Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
