you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize