census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
no, he came in my armpit
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
