when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
