I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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