we're chasing vodka with high fives
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
