I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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