id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
where are my eyebrows?
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