:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
