did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
