just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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