my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
