wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
