Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
