Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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