We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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