I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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