Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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