hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
is it fun? or sober?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
