wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
