i already hear my dad disowning me
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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