There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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