i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
this beer tastes like vomit already
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
