Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
