sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
