Apparently you make a good broom.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
