i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
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She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
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Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Use "feeling words"
Yay
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
