i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind