she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.