And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I wish you could order shots online.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"