I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"