honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
oh yeah. preciate
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
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Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
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I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."