Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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