You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
