I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
