question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
