you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
