My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
